I want to stick my p in your. b.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
