I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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