mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
