so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
