she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
