I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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