Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
