sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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