Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
