I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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