I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
