yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
