She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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