Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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