I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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