By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
