I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
