I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
