please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
