Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
