it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
