If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
