how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
