don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
