Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Quick, to the slutcave!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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