you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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