the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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