Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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