It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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