I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
