he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
