Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize