If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
