apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
