Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize