What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
