I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
