I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
