I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
the day after is always just damage control
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
