You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
