she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
