I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize