Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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