two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
