i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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