She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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