I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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