I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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