Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
