U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
