that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
