dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
