is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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