I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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