My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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