youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
