its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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