I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
