I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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