I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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