The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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