I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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