I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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