then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize