babies were throwing up all over the place
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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