the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
