Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We had sex on a dog bed..
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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