So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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