HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
