If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
