After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He kissed a someone with a penis
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
