you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
