soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
