i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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