I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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