He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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