Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
