Got a toothbrush?
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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