I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize