Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
