yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
