he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
