you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I need moral support for this bender
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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